Patriotism in the time of the swine flu

A funny thing happened to me on the way to work today, as I was waiting for the light to change a 10 year old street kid walked up to my car and offered me a flag and a surgical mask. Unfortunately I wasn't carrying a camera and couldn't record that image for posterity. Nevertheless on this 14th of August as I drove to work I thought of what it means to be an Indian.

Being Indian means learning to accept disparity. Disparity in wealth, education and opportunity. The car I drove would have fed a hundred of those street kids for a year and yet I don't feel the least bit guilty in driving an expensive German car on these potholed Indian streets.

By the grace of god my children can go to decent schools and enjoy a lifestyle free of wants - that street kid on the other hand is busy figuring out how to hustle his next meal, school and classes are way beyond his field of vision. Like most people in my demographic I just shrug and accept this as an accident of fate. This belief in the karmic cycle and the pithy explanation that life's hardships are a by-product of destiny is what makes me an Indian.

While the current pandemic is global and India isn't alone in its spread - I do remember in 1994 we had the dubious honour of being the epicentre of the first plague outbreak since the Middle Ages! And yet communal hygiene is hardly a priority, most of India's Tier II and some Tier I cities still suffer from open drains and insect infested stagnant water. We Indians take pride in the cleanliness of our homes but do not hesitate to litter the open space just beyond our doors!

Perhaps this rant is coloured by the temporary darkness in my mood - inspite of these warts in my country and the deficiencies in the psyche of my countrymen, India is where my heart is and this is where I live. I am an Indian not out of an accident of birth, but because I choose to be.

Its difficult to rationally explain why I love my country but maybe I'm like the wife who forgives the straying husband, not because she feels compelled to stay in the marriage, but because she knows he is a better man.

There goes my life

All he could think about was I'm too young for this.
Got my whole life ahead.
Hell I'm just a kid myself.
How'm I gonna raise one.

Six years ago when my son was born, I remember being consumed by fear. As I looked at his tiny fingers, tiny feet and perfect little body, I could feel my gut tightening .. Good God am I responsible for this human being? A year ago when my daughter was born I could feel the sweat on my brow, the palpitation.... well you get the picture.

But after a while the fear recedes, we are after all programmed to be parents, to nurture our future generation and that basic instinct kicks in after a while. That fear that I first felt has been replaced by a sense of responsibility. This sense of responsibility manifests itself in surprising ways.

To begin with I've found myself being a lot more ethical in my behavior. In any professional (and personal) context if I'm faced with an ethically gray decision - my litmus test has been "would my children be proud of me if I took this course of action?". Becoming a father has made me a more equitable boss, and a more honest businessman.

Its natural to want the best for my children and for my family, but being a father has also led me to want the best for the world that my children would live in. I find myself to be more socially aware and conscious of the kind of life that we lead and its consequences to the world at large. In many ways I'm worried about my legacy.. As my children start to develop their own opinions and express their curiosity, I find myself wanting to shape their character and their knowledge. I want to share with them what I've learnt and what I've experienced, perhaps this too is part of my desire to leave behind a legacy.

I've been a father of one for six years and of two for one in this time I know I've changed and as my children grow up, I too will grow, not just as a father but as a person as well. The burden of being a father? No its just the burden of my life.

There goes my life.
There goes my future, my everything.
Might as well kiss it all good-bye.
There goes my life.......

A couple years of up all night and a few thousand diapers later.
That mistake he thought he made covers up the refrigerator.
Oh yeah..........he loves that little girl.

Momma's waiting to tuck her in,
As she fumbles up those stairs.
She smiles back at him dragging that teddy bear.
Sleep tight, blue eyes and bouncin' curls.

He smiles.....
There goes my life.
There goes my future, my everything.
I love you, daddy good-night.
There goes my life.