There goes my life

All he could think about was I'm too young for this.
Got my whole life ahead.
Hell I'm just a kid myself.
How'm I gonna raise one.

Six years ago when my son was born, I remember being consumed by fear. As I looked at his tiny fingers, tiny feet and perfect little body, I could feel my gut tightening .. Good God am I responsible for this human being? A year ago when my daughter was born I could feel the sweat on my brow, the palpitation.... well you get the picture.

But after a while the fear recedes, we are after all programmed to be parents, to nurture our future generation and that basic instinct kicks in after a while. That fear that I first felt has been replaced by a sense of responsibility. This sense of responsibility manifests itself in surprising ways.

To begin with I've found myself being a lot more ethical in my behavior. In any professional (and personal) context if I'm faced with an ethically gray decision - my litmus test has been "would my children be proud of me if I took this course of action?". Becoming a father has made me a more equitable boss, and a more honest businessman.

Its natural to want the best for my children and for my family, but being a father has also led me to want the best for the world that my children would live in. I find myself to be more socially aware and conscious of the kind of life that we lead and its consequences to the world at large. In many ways I'm worried about my legacy.. As my children start to develop their own opinions and express their curiosity, I find myself wanting to shape their character and their knowledge. I want to share with them what I've learnt and what I've experienced, perhaps this too is part of my desire to leave behind a legacy.

I've been a father of one for six years and of two for one in this time I know I've changed and as my children grow up, I too will grow, not just as a father but as a person as well. The burden of being a father? No its just the burden of my life.

There goes my life.
There goes my future, my everything.
Might as well kiss it all good-bye.
There goes my life.......

A couple years of up all night and a few thousand diapers later.
That mistake he thought he made covers up the refrigerator.
Oh yeah..........he loves that little girl.

Momma's waiting to tuck her in,
As she fumbles up those stairs.
She smiles back at him dragging that teddy bear.
Sleep tight, blue eyes and bouncin' curls.

He smiles.....
There goes my life.
There goes my future, my everything.
I love you, daddy good-night.
There goes my life.